November 30 Update - Life's Twists and Turns

International adoption is always unpredictable. In the last two days I have really experienced that.

On Tuesday night my translator and I took a train to Donetsk and then on Wednesday drove to Snezhnoe. The landscape in the Donetsky Basin is industrial to the max. Huge 100-foot-high pyramids of slag piles and ridges outline the horizon and tall smokestacks rise from every town. Many buildings are vacant with the windows knocked out. The grey clouds and spitting rain added to the grim scene.

Our visit to the orphanage was the big event of the day. They have never had a foreigner visit to adopt a child. The first two boys I met, just weren't right for me. They took me on a tour and I was really impressed with the classrooms. The kids were very industrious and polite. An American was an oddity, so I was invited into a class to answer questions (Do I have kids? When was I born? How am I preparing for winter? Do monkeys live in Wisconsin?) It was a ton of fun. I happened to have the little black bear finger puppet Kathleen and Joyce gave me, so I told the story of Birkie treeing a bear in the yard with the puppet.

Then the administrator who knew what other children were available came in and suggested I meet a 7-year-old named Alexander. He was a very sweet, gentle boy. I gave him the puppet and loved it. I gave him a chocolate bar, and he said he would take it to share with his groupa (class). He is very calm and loves to read out loud to the class and seems to be pretty smart. He also sang a little song for us and answered some math problems etc. The adminstrators called me the inspector, so hopefully he didn't know I was there for adoption purposes. Then they toured me around some more and I saw him in the "choreography" (movement) class. He put himself in the front row and concentrated very hard on following the movements of the dance teacher. He seemed to me to be a kid who enjoyed learning. The other thing I noticed, was that he made very good eye contact, which is a good sign for developing attachment bonds.

The orphanage itself was very clean. They didn't know we were coming, but they were scrubbing the floors, and the place was well-kept, even though it was an old building. We were shown the bedrooms, where they have 8 identical little toddler beds/room. We saw the play room and some more classes. They do lots of special skits, concerts and programs that are documented in a nice photo album.

So, I thought this kid was great. I said I was interested in adopting him. We went to the guardianship office in the town and called Kyiv to check on him. The two women in the office were a lot of fun and enjoyed looking at photos of my house, Washburn, the grocery store my apple tree, Birkie (BIG hit) etc. Then we got the bad news, that the orphanage had made a mistake and he is not off the in-country registry list until mid-March. So he is not available for adoption at this time. This was a real bummer. We all felt pretty emotional about the whole thing.

We travelled back to Donetsk and were lucky to stay with Sergey's family in their beautiful flat. Their hospitality was overwhelming and just what I needed at the time. His mom made a wonderful dinner and they made toasts to the trip, fellowship, health and other things we were grateful for. I felt like I had gone to heaven. They went through my photobook and asked many questions about my life in America. Then I got to see their photos of a trip to Crimea, which is a penisula in the south part of Ukraine. Then they ran a hot bath for me and I stretched out in the longest bathtub I have ever seen. It was a fabulous evening to be in a home.

I thought I had better keep looking for a child, so the next day we headed to Mariupol and I saw two children. One was severely delayed, the other was sick, so I didn't get to interract with him, but I was concerned that he had been only 800 grams at birth (2 lbs) it's unbelievable he survived. He seemed like a good kid, they said he's the pet of the orphanage, but again, it wasn't the right choice for me. I kept thinking about Alexander.

So the bottom line is that I decided to come home early (12/4) and take my chances that when I return in March, he will be available for adoption. If not, then I will start the search again.

It's kind of disappointing to go through all this and come home without a child, but I think it is the best decision.

Tomorrow I have a little time to shop at the market for souvenirs before I get on the train to Warsaw, then later on to Amsterdam and Minneapolis. I shold be back home on Tuesday 12/4 if everything goes well.

Ruth

back in Kyiv